Friday, February 1, 2013

Real Presence

Contemplating being in the moment I wonder about real presence. Clear presence. It popped into my head this morning that the now moment could be used as an escape. You know, one step ahead of a past you would rather forget. Of issues you would prefer remain unaddressed. Doors kept firmly shut. Rather than a dwelling place. Sanctuary.

The difference between the two is found with intention. Do I intend to live a life with integrity and clarity, or am I looking to let myself go with abandon? The paradox is that the present moment offers both. Finding presence as a way of life means recognizing that now holds infinite possibility as well as nothing at all. Resting in presence is possible when I am at peace with all of who I am and what I have done in my life. There is nothing I hide from myself. And I am willing to let others see me fully. It does not mean I have to show others everything, but I am not actively hiding.

Clarity is an ongoing process. My mother would say, "more will be revealed," and as clarity unfolds do I allow myself to continue to open my eyes? To accept what is? I know from personal experience it is a precarious balancing act to stay in now presence when I am working hard to keep from feeling, being real, holding back anywhere. Then it is an effort of will rather than surrender of same. It is not sustainable. This is when staying in now is escape, not home.

I once heard the Dalai Lama talk about being two faced. It was a beautiful talk, so generously addressing what many suffer in finding their way to self love. We carefully construct a mask of who we think or wish we are, or who we think others want us to be. The mask serves to cover anything we do not like about ourselves, of those things we have learned others may not like if they really know who we are. And of course we are another underneath this mask. HHDL said it is always known when we meet someone who has these two selves. Humans intuitively feel this dissonance.

The dissonance makes staying in now presence a teeter totter.  Taking off our masks is a brave thing. Letting myself be imperfect, less than my idealized self, is a gift. The beginning of self love. Masks off, the tipsiness stops. Now presence remains for longer periods of time.

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