Monday, January 5, 2015

Slowing Down to Rebalance Masculine and Feminine

This may be obvious. Breaking my arm initiated an IMMEDIATE and unavoidable slow down. Living in a remote area I take a little bit of pride in the fact that for nearly 17 years life moves at a much slower pace than much of urban and suburban human beings. Sometimes I go for days without getting in to a car and move only by walking. I am no stranger to slowing down. But the breaking of my arm induced an entirely new layer and really brought the rebalancing of my masculine and feminine to the forefront.

For a month I had to have my arm suspended nearly all the time for pain management and to create stability for healing. The fall, in addition to the five broken places in the radius and ulna,  actually severely sprained every tendon and ligament in my hand, forearm, elbow and slightly dislocated my shoulder. It might sound funny to say it but I learned that every movement in my body affects every part of my body. Everything I did hurt. I opted to do without the hydromorphone the doctor prescribed since it made me ill. And having made a commitment to taking loving care of myself in a ceremony for intentions, well...what an opportunity.

Rather than abandon loving self care, I found moving in an incredibly slow manner to be perfectly rebalancing. Doing less. Far less. Sitting and watching the wildlife for long hours with my window and door open to the outside. A dragonfly came in the door and flew around my bedroom several days in a row. I could carefully slip my arm out of the contraption and engage some simple yoga asanas. I had often craved taking longer time in poses. Now the poses were dictated by pain and the least painful was to stay in a pose for 10 to 15 minutes or more. Walking around the house (I was housebound for one month) I found myself moving mindful of each step. My foods became incredible simple since I could not prepare meals. My body craved simple nutrition and I honored this. My neighbor came to brush my waist length hair. We chatted while she made her way through the tangles and braided it. Writing on the computer was not possible. My thoughts slowed down in part due to the constant pain. My writing style became spare and all hand done. My journal became the most precious place to spend time instead of one thing I did on the way to twenty other things.

How is this a rebalance of masculine and feminine? More nurture. Less doing, more being. In my personal ecology this has proved invaluable. Instead of being able to run off and do I now have to take careful stock of what is most important. All options are not available to me, even now a few months later. The slowing down has nuanced my direction, refined and expanded my vision, my passions are clearer. I am embracing, holding on to, this moving slowly even as more mobility and less pain comes with incremental healing. Life feels more spacious, less cluttered and frenetic, meaningful direction lucid, remembering what is important.

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