Friday, April 3, 2015

Opening and Closing the Heart

It is clear that my expectations, assumptions or judgments about others or life are the teeny (or massive) hair triggers that operate the energetic heart valve. The physical heart keeps on pumping but the flow of heart wisdom, the invisible pulse of love, responds to something else.

I am experiencing the switch mechanism as intention and the inertia to overcome default closing due to my own programming/patterning/habits exists as a choice. I thought at one point that my heart was either/or: open/closed. But the heart is much more fluid than that.

I keep my heart opening. That is my intention and choice.

Why bother? Everything is a stake. My life is a journey towards inevitable death. Any accomplishments, the house, car, clothes, friends, lovers, children....none of them will go with me. I've been seeing how I have leaned into the real and imaginary (ideas) objects of my life to keep me safe, offer me some sense of security, reassurance that life is somehow more 'solid' than it is. And here is the paradox. We live in this solid physical world with jobs, homes and all the rest. Ideas about how to earn a living, who to relate to and how. All worthy pursuits.

But without a choice to move through this world living in love.......??

Sometimes love feels like the highest peak of the tallest mountain I will never be able to acclimate to. And then the invisible switch directs the flow with that wee intention, something shifts around once again I can breathe the rarified air of love flowing through me.

I was talking with a friend this morning about living in love. We both agreed this takes courage. Courage because love cracks open the heart, the inner sight and emotional feelings so that much is felt, understood.

Love likely has more poets, songwriters, spiritual beings and artists of all types dedicating lives to capturing and describing that ineffable state. What I am looking at right now is how often deep love means that boundaries are much clearer...because love of self is at the top of the list with this flow. That might mean having to tell someone else something they do not want to hear and I don't want to have to say. For sure living at high altitude loving comes with many cautions. Much easier, in many ways, to live in the valley. Thankfully we are fluid as humans and can actually make these choices, however easy, hard, necessary or ridiculous they might appear to be. I try to be gentle with myself when I would rather live down in the valley. This is not a matter of right or wrong.

The choice is the research love, of living in loving. A matter of getting curious about what gets in the way of my loving....and a matter of practicing how to work with the flow and keep it coursing in the direction of the open heart even when the inevitable coursing towards closing also comes.

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