It is possible to grow entirely new ways to create relationships with others. For me, right now, the biggest has to do with surrendering the idea that I need to defend myself. I am seeing that to defend myself is not actually self loving behavior. When I truly and deeply live in loving myself I am taking care of myself and defense is not necessary.
Now this does not mean that when things happen that I don't like that I say and do nothing. But how I take action shifts. My own security comes from loving myself so well that I KNOW I am safe and well cared for, regardless of how another behaves.
The attachment I surrender is that of perfection. Perfection that thinks that relationships have no bumps and bruises or aches and pains. That any of those thing are the need to back away. I mean, they might signal something that is a true red flag. But often times my own internal red flags have more to do with my fear instead of what is actually and truly real time. This then limits me from finding more connection if I yield to fear.
In the case of the friend I spoke to yesterday, he was entirely willing to lean in to our connection. What caused me to be triggered was something I was able to speak with him about in a way that revealed how I am vulnerable, how what happened moved me, the unique individual that I am. The solution was simple in our case. He was entirely willing.
Surrendering my attachment to holding on to triggers as being all about the outside world is key. Triggers are my internal guidance system truly and lovingly guiding me to gentle inquiry around whatever it is that has come up. Those triggers are the opportunity to love myself.
Now this does not mean that when things happen that I don't like that I say and do nothing. But how I take action shifts. My own security comes from loving myself so well that I KNOW I am safe and well cared for, regardless of how another behaves.
The attachment I surrender is that of perfection. Perfection that thinks that relationships have no bumps and bruises or aches and pains. That any of those thing are the need to back away. I mean, they might signal something that is a true red flag. But often times my own internal red flags have more to do with my fear instead of what is actually and truly real time. This then limits me from finding more connection if I yield to fear.
In the case of the friend I spoke to yesterday, he was entirely willing to lean in to our connection. What caused me to be triggered was something I was able to speak with him about in a way that revealed how I am vulnerable, how what happened moved me, the unique individual that I am. The solution was simple in our case. He was entirely willing.
Surrendering my attachment to holding on to triggers as being all about the outside world is key. Triggers are my internal guidance system truly and lovingly guiding me to gentle inquiry around whatever it is that has come up. Those triggers are the opportunity to love myself.
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