Monday, February 23, 2015

Making Assumptions

Amazing opportunity today to practice choosing the love of other even in  the face of what was, for me, a difficult conversation. There are inevitably times that people trigger something in me. I have grown enough to know, generally, to sit with something for a while before I speak with another. I sit with whatever the trigger has activated in me and attempt to let the emotions sink to the deepest possible meaning in my own life. Sometimes it is not necessary to even talk to the other person, I gain enough insight on my own to grow through the trigger.

But there are times when things must be discussed. And there are times when the triggers are really big. The growth has to do with making assumptions about the other person. Rather than seeing the fact that I am triggered as meaning something bad, dangerous, hurtful or other equally dark imaginings, about the other, I am learning to create a little space. The space is about curiosity. In this curious place I breathe some room for a loving and peaceful outcome to occur.

Taking time to create spaciousness allows me to open up to being interested in the other person and what is happening in their world. I can put aside the anxious desire to talk about what I need and be open to them.

So today I had an exchange in which some deeply tender things surfaced from my friend and some sweet shared profound talk around what is alive and moving in the life of this person emerged. What I wanted to talk about came around and was so small and easily resolved in comparison to the depths they shared I am humbled to say that it might actually be possible that using triggers to be THE mechanism by which new possibilities in intimacy occur is very real and exciting.

Surrendering my assumptions that what had happened to trigger me had ANY ill will attached was key to finding a way into more richness in friendship.

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