Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Can the Numbers be Sacred?

I wrestle with this all the time....and today it came in so close it weighs heavily. My heart desires to do one thing and the economic numbers say another. The electric company does not weigh in the heart. If the bill is not payed the power is shut off. Paying our bills is considered one piece of what it means to be a grown up. Living according to our means. Finding right livelihood. I am new to this inquiry. How to manage to live in a economic system and also do the work of helping others to heal. I don't think they are mutually exclusive. Discovering how to be both compassionate and also appropriately calculating and staying balanced in the heart, grounded, all these beautiful terms...while looking at people in front of me who have less means than I and being unable, in the moment, to help, is a challenge.

I've written a lot about staying open or being in the heart. I find that I have, in order to live with these unsolvable (to me) discrepancies, had to close my heart. I did not know I was doing this.

Living with an open heart can hurt a lot. It is not airy fairy stuff. It is no wonder I choose to self medicate at times, or avoid, or live in a small bubble so I don't have to encounter what I can not solve or fix. But life continues to thrust me into situations and into the lives of those that offer me these rare opportunities to explore the question....can numbers be sacred....this question will accompany me for some time.

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